hoverFrog’s blog

Who or what do you really love?

This isn't answering the question because I have a great girlfriend and adorable kids who I love loads but don't you think the phrase "He\She loved life" when used to describe a dead person is a bit odd?  I mean, really, like what's the alternative?  "She\He was a bit goth" or "Life was considered to be a bit naff" or "Living bored him\her" or "Compared with living, the deceased would much rather sit about being a bit zombie".

I love life but honestly I don't know anything else.

Who was the first person to give you info -- correct or not -- on how to "make babies"? 
Submitted by Manon-It-All.

What?  You make them?  I thought you got them delivered by a stork.

I'm feeling particularly pedantic today and keep taking things literally.  Today I have proposed tests to determine the veracity of several claims for no good reason other than I am a git.  The following have been subject to my limited wit:

1. Grass being greener on the other side. I checked my garden and the grass is the same shade as my neighbours.
2. My ears are burning, someone is talking about me.  I suggested that the subject exit the room so that we could have the opportunity to discussed them or not and thereby report back whether or not they had burning ears.
3. *Shudder* someone just walked over my grave.  Sorry but the offending person was clearly unburied and unfortunately very much alive.
4. Bad luck comes in threes.  I sought some clarification here.  Is the luck of a comparable level to the first misfortune. i.e someone who's car is broken into has nothing more to worry about than property damage and theft.  If someone is run over and suffers a broken leg do they then live in fear of two of their remaining three good limbs?  If not then is a stubbed toe a precursor to a fatal stabbing or losing a pen.  The superstitious person refused to answer.
5. A frog brings good luck to the house it enters.  This is the obvious exception and must be true.
6. Karma.  I suggested that Oink send me money to test her return investment following a good deed theory

That's just the sort of annoying thing that limits the number of Christmas cards I have to send to friends but I was wondering if you had any that you could add.

Have you ever served on a jury?  What was your experience?
Submitted by jacolily.

Nope, never but I do have the dubious honour of escaping Jury Service three times.

The first time I was called up I was only 17 years old and thus too young to serve.

The second time I was sitting my A Levels and got an deferral.

The third time I couldn't get out of it but the week before I was about to start I received a letter telling me that I was no longer required.

After spending so much effort to escape Jury Service I was quite disappointed that they didn't actually want me any more.

Apparently you can expect to be called for Jury Service once every 50 years on average so I think I'll get another crack at it just before I hit 70.  Assuming I can get time off work that is. ;)

What clothing item do you wish could be banned?
Submitted by Mike E.

There are some truely ridiculous items of clothing when you think about it.  From a purely practical viewpoint you need only coverings to provide insulation from the cold, protection from the elements (and UV radiation), and to provide modesty.  This makes the tie a pointless garment.

Ban the tie.

Do you consider yourself a patriotic person?  Why or why not?

Absolutely not!

Patriotism is a feeling of love and devotion to one's own homeland (patria, the land of one's fathers).

Merry old England is just land with people in it.  Many of the people in it I don't like and most of the politics that govern this green and pleasant land I disagree with.  Whether this is due to cultural erosion of British values or a lack leadership for my generation is moot.  The fact remains that I perceive this country, this sceptred isle, as no better and possibly worse than many other countries.

Perhaps if our leaders were not morally bankrupt individuals who deferred leadership to North America or Europe then I might feel different.  Perhaps if they did not allow our troops to die in the pursuit of another nation's desire for oil I might be inclined to feel patriotic. Most of all though I'd probably feel a bit more like loving my country if we didn't actively try to entice radical groups to constantly attacks us while presenting no defence of any substance.

I'm saying this but I do love our rich history, our art and our architecture with which no other nation on Earth can compare.

What are three things you want to learn, and three things you can teach others to do? 
Submitted by bookishbiker.

I want to learn:

1. Another language - French, German, Mandarin.  Just give me the time and a good tutor and I'll be proficient in no time.
2. How to Juggle - I've tried learning to juggle a dozen times but I just end up breaking pictures, mirrors, TVs, anything in about a 10 foot radius.
3. How to focus on one thing - Seriously, I'm like a grasshopper who can only concentrate on one thing exclusively for half an hour before changing topic.  I can go back to it but only afterdoing somethign else for a while.  I know, I'm a freak.

I can teach:

1. How to swim - Practice makes perfect or so they say but I'm your man if you need help on your technique.
2. The basics of accoustic guitar - Not the advanced stuff but I you want to get started then I can show you a variety of different techniques.
3. Patience with children - contrary to popular belief patience does not come naturally and children are the very best at trying to break your nerves.

What time is your alarm clock set for?  Do you use the snooze button?

6 am and it's too far away from my bed for me to reach the snooze button without getting up.  I've also got it set to the most irritating people I could find for morning radio so I have to get up and turn it off.

What are your deal breakers in a relationship?

Sense of humour, a woman must laugh with me rather than at me.  And no pointing.

Some of these are so bad that they shoudl actually be used in real life:

1. You’re like an exothermic reaction, you spread your hotness everywhere!
2. I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves
3. You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
4. If i was an enzyme, I’d be helicase so i could unzip your genes
5. I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force
6. Baby, you overclock my processor.
7. Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.
8. Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive
9. You make me want to calibrate my joystick without the latest drivers
10. You defragment my life
11. Do you think we can make it a step more serious and disable network sharing?
12. You must be auxin, cuz u r causing me to have rapid stem elongation.
13. Baby, let me find your nth term
14. I don’t have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
15. Baby i’ll treat you like my hw- I’ll slam you on the table and do you all night long
16. Hey baby, can I see what’s under your radical?
17. If I were an integral, I’d fill you up.
18. I’m a fermata… hold me
19. I think my heart just lagged.
20. I wish I were your second derivative so i could fill your concavities
21. Did you just combust?? Because you’re HOT!
22. By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
23. It doesn’t take a genius to see how gorgeous you are, but if it did, I would be overqualified.
24. Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call FINE PRINT!
25. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
26. Baby, you’re a 9.999999999…but you’d be a 10 if you were with me.
27. Baby, everytime i see you, my cardiovascular system gets all worked up
28. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
29. What’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’re the 1
30. If my right leg was christmas and my left was Easter, would you like to spend some time between the holidays?
31. You have nicer legs than an Isosceles right triangle.
32. You're so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. (Muscles that make you smile)
33. When you and me get together it’s like superposition of 2 waves in phase.
34. Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?
35. If I was sin^2 and you were cos^2 together we would be 1
36. You know.. it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force
37. If I move my lips half the distance to yours… and then half again… and again… etc…. would they ever meet? no? Well in this specific case I am going to disprove your assumption.
38. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
39. If I was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
40. I wish I was an Ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.
41. If my right leg is the cell wall and my left the membrane, do you want to be the cytoplasm?
42. Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it
43. Lets meet somewhere… you bring your beaker and I’ll bring my stirring rod
44. Baby let me be your integral so I can be the area under your curves
45. Hey baby, what’s your tanx cosx?
46. Lets get together and test the spring potential of my mattress
47. Let’s discover our coefficient of friction
48. Baby, you’re so gneiss I’ll never take you for granite.
49. I less than three you….. (i < 3 you)
50. I heard you’re sin because you’re always on top when we make tangent

Or possibly not...